Transparent conversation with my Lord, my Daddy

26 09 2011

I have no idea what I am doing and sometimes I have no idea why I am doing this thing I do not know I am doing.  I am pursuing a dream that is beyond anything I can fathom and beyond what I know in MY strength I can do.  It is something that requires 100% of faith and trust in God.  It requires letting go of every single fear, and free falling into the hands of God.

So, Lord, I give up.  This part of my life that I didn’t realize I had taken back, I hand it over, completely to you.  This is your vision for my life and I want to only obey your WORD.  If I fail it is because I hold on with my flesh, if I succeed it is only because YOU have made a way.  I no longer want to hide behind the What Ifs and Don’t Knows.  No longer and no more.  I surrender it all to you, Lord.  My pride, my self esteem, my ambition, even my desires to serving your children in the slums of countries I may have only heard of and those that my heart lingers for.  I give you everything you have entrusted me with; I openhandedly remove myself from the equation and allow you to work.  I know you work behind the scenes and constantly go before me and behind me.  But I also know that usually I am attached to your hip asking as a small child does, “Daddy, are we there yet?” at every corner.  I know you smile and laugh every time I do it as you patiently allow my excitement to fill the room and then you gently whisper…”my timing darling, my timing.”

Daddy, I know it’s your timing and your plan.  I know that it is not going to look the way I thought it would or even the way I wanted it to.  I release those expectations to you.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and allow my soul to be transparent.  With every disappointment I may experience, I will embrace the knowledge that you say YES to every promise you give us and though I may face disappointment, what YOU have planned for me is so much more than what I would have had if I had not received disappointment.

Now for my unwillingness to give it my all after receiving the initial disappointment, I ask your forgiveness.  I allowed my “entitled flesh” to show her ungraceful self and I truly repent of such behaviors.  I allowed myself to go to the place of “entitlement” and wanted to have this promise come at a less of a price.  Who am I to request such thing!  Daddy, I thank you for your forgiveness and for your mercy and love.  I thank you that YOU are constantly watching over me, protecting me, and keeping me safe.  I thank you that no matter what, YOU are always by my side.

As we enter this next moment, this next step, and this next ride on this journey of becoming a woman of noble character, I smile and I laugh knowing that tomorrow may not look like the sun is shining through, but knowledge that this moment I let go, will fill my heart with your light and passion.

Forever and Always a child of God; Forever and Always a princess; Forever and Always a saved soul searching for the lost, needy, and hurting.

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